A caregiver's job is not an easy one. They are responsible for one more life than non-caregivers. Caregiving doesn't necessarily have to be stressful or frustrating. There are a lot of people who truly enjoy what they are doing, as there are many who don't feel that great about it.
In any case, there are some things you must know about caregiving (as discussed in part I) and some steps you can take to ensure a smoother sailing as you take upon this demanding job.
Beginning your journey as a caregiver isn't always planned, most of the time it falls on you like a grenade. However, if you have someone to guide you through the process, things can get a lot easier for you to comprehend and act upon.
For those who don't have someone to teach them the basics of caregiving, I'm sure this article will help you understand the importance of maintaining a balance between your life and your life as a caregiver. Most people don't get the buffer time to make preparations or study for starting as a caregiver. Some do get the time but it doesn't occur to them that researching will go miles in making their task easier.
Before you read on, visit PART I to know what to expect from caregiving and how your life can change due to it.
Here, we discuss the next three important things to know before you start and during caregiving.
5) a) To-Do before you start.
i) Learn as much as you can about:
The person: Behaviour, likes-dislikes, food choices, sleep schedule, entertainment choices, hobbies, career, background, family and friends, relationship with family and friends.
The illness: Type, symptoms, duration, what kind of attention it requires, side effects, its effects on body and brain, changes likely to occur in behavior due to it, statistics of the illness around the world, expenditure and health care plans ( if you're just budgeting or taking care of their financial needs).
Medical requirements: Medicinal schedule, doctor's appointments, nursing needs, dietary needs, special exercises or physiotherapy, food, and activities to avoid.
ii) Talk to the family:
Get as much information about the caregivee from them as possible. Don't be afraid to ask personal questions as you'll be spending a lot of time with them and it's important to be ready.
Ask them about their expectations and possible must-knows you should keep in mind while doing the job.
Discuss financial aid and healthcare plan with them. Understand the background for a better understanding of the household.
Understand the relationship between the caregivee and their family. Find out who can you talk to when you have doubts or any query. Confirm with the family if they want you to take special care for anything particular.
b) To-Do once you start.
i) Seek other caregivers:
Knowing people that are going through similar situations or facing similar problems helps you feel understood.
It can also act as your support group,
Venting and talking about your week and what hurdles came your way might even give you answers as to how can you deal with them better. Different people, different perspectives, different solutions.
ii) Trust your instincts:
While caregiving, things can go wrong in the most unexpected ways. It is always better to take precautions than be sorry later.
If your gut tells you to check up on the caregivee twice in a minute, do it.
In the same way, if you have a feeling that they are fine and you can take a short break, don't beat yourself up by feeling guilty.
iii) Know your limits:
You do not possess superpowers. You are a human and you have limits to how much you can do.
Don't exhaust yourself in one day or a week or a month even. You are in this for the long run.
Taking care of them in need is more important than running out of fuel when they don't require your attention and being tired when they do require you.
iv) Trust your caregivee, encourage their independence:
Understand that being dependent on someone else to carry out your daily chores is difficult, embarrassing even.
Give your caregivee personal space and the freedom to choose when they don't need you, even when you think they do.
The aim of caregiving is not to make them dependent on you but to steadily allow them to get better. If the nature of the illness doesn't allow them to get better then it is to eventually make them able to do as many things by themselves as possible.
Trust them. Genuinely believe in them. And Show it to them.
v) Accept your feelings, recognize when they overpower you:
Having negative emotions does NOT mean you are a bad person. Accept your frustration, guilt, sadness, grief, or other emotions for what they are and don't make them the frame to look through at you.
You are much more than a couple of negative thoughts.
If you arent aware of and don't accept your feelings, it's almost impossible to regulate them. Understand that denying them will only make matters worse for you.
When you notice yourself getting cranky, angry, upset, at the caregivee or anyone or everyone or everything, instead of suppressing it, act on it. It's a cue to take a break, to re-organize your thoughts.
I've talked about possible ways your mind can react to caregiving in the Part-I of this article.
6) Allow yourself to ask for help.
Having a support system for a caregiver is of utmost importance. Not only your productivity but your efficiency will also see a rise in its level.
Don't be shy when asking for help, emotional or instrumental. Taking care of the family member, friend, relative isn't only your responsibility even if you've taken up the task. It just means that you're the primary caregiver.
Be precise when asking for help. To help you with this, make a list of things you need or things you need to get done, or other like picking somebody up or delivering something.
Decide for yourself the activities you can manage to do and be realistic with it. Do not set a stage for overwhelming yourself later due to the lack of practicality in planning.
What remains on the list is what you need help with.
If someone tells you they would like to help, don't wave off the offer without thinking. Judge the genuineness and ask them what can they do for you. Have faith in the goodness of people around you.
Communicate with such people and decide what's best for both. Don't accept any help they offer even if you don't need it. That would be wasting a lot of time, effort, and good help for no reason.
Sometimes, friends or family might not feel sufficient in giving you the right support. At such times, it is absolutely okay to seek a professional and get help. Judge your own needs, don't let social norms judge it for you.
If you feel you are in need of something in between friends, family, and a professional, seek a support group. You can also look for organizations that specialize in the illness of your caregivee. That way you learn more ways to deal with your and your caregivee's problems.
7) Self-care: Understand No YOU, No HELP.
Global statistics say that caregivers are at a higher risk of having chronic illnesses than non-caregivers. This can be high blood pressure, obesity, heart conditions, high cholesterol, amongst many others including psychological disorders like depression, anxiety disorders.
Firstly remove the root cause of the absence of your self-care routine: Know that, it is not selfish to look after yourself, it is okay to prioritize yourself, you are worthy of care, love and peace just as much as anybody else, you are adequate in your job, you are enough. If there is any other insecurity leading you to not pay attention to yourself, get to the root of it.
Daily time off is important: Wind off and practise leaving your work worries behind as your head home. If you are a family caregiver, then practise stepping from caregiver's shoes into that of your self. Usually, this can be achieved by changing your clothes, freshening up, keeping your caregiving essentials away, letting your family spend time with you, consciously paying attention to yourself and your environment.
Communicate: Talking, venting, confiding. Call it what you want, but do it. Sharing your troubles does NOT make you any weaker. Speaking out your mind, in fact, makes it clearer and you'll find your thoughts more organized. Plus the support you'll receive after will only make you stronger.
Spirituality is the way to go: Meditation, Yoga, Visualisation, Group activities will help your mind maintain its sanity and stability.
Nurture: Eat right, include all necessary nutrients, avoid the junk, exercise to keep your body fit, practise pranayama to increase and maintain immunity.
Journaling: At the end of the day, think about your achievements. Doesn't matter how small, write about what went RIGHT, what made you smile, everything that didn't go wrong. Write about what you are and should be grateful for.
Don't neglect your Physical health: Take time out to attend to any sickness you might be suffering from, however insignificant you might think it is.
Conclusion:
Caregiving and the duties attached to it is not everyone's cup of tea. If you have just started, have been at it for a while, or been doing it for long, you must know that you are a warrior. It is difficult enough to take care of oneself, in addition to that being a caregiver is nothing but commendable.
Every day, remember your reason behind what you're doing. Keep in touch with the love you have for the caregivee and their family. Keep in touch with the goodness within yourself and you'll make it.
You must never forget, that your ignorance towards your health is indirectly your ignorance towards your caregivee. You must take care of yourself for them, your family, and friends, if not for yourself.
All love and power to you.
Take care.
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