Sometimes life doesn't act in a way we want it to. We want a job, a certain college, a certain person to like us back, our parents to be happy with what we're doing, a good relationship with our siblings or a good friend. But life has different plans. It gives us rejections. Some get a few, some a lot, and some nothing but rejections.
Does this mean that it's an all-can-wear lens to look through and decide who's happy and who isn't? Is it necessary that someone who has all the wealth, and numerous people around them will definitely find themselves to be happy? And that someone who's economically poor must be sad and dull?
It is not.
A lot of you might have said or heard someone say something along the lines of " just get outside", " go for a walk or go meet friends" or " you should meet new people", to someone or about someone who suffers from depression. Let me explain why it's not that easy.
What is Depression: defined
Depression is defined as "A mental health disorder characterized by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities, causing significant impairment in daily life."
Above is the popularly accepted definition of depression. As you must've noticed, it mentions a " loss of interest in activities". This may include even things that the person has been fond of since forever. Depression can make a professional Violinist want to never see the face of it again or a footballer since childhood to never touch a ball again.
The definition also mentions "significant impairment in life". Now, what does this mean? It means that you could end up in your bed for months in a row and you wouldn't want to get out still. Routinely chores like brushing your teeth, taking a bath, or eating a complete meal become a task. So much so that opening your eyes in the morning can feel like torture.
"But why not just try to get out of it?"
Let me put it through an analogy.
What is Depression: explained.
You are scuba-diving in a beautiful reef in Australia. The fish are beautiful, the corals are magnificent, what you see around you is heavenly. You have been ready to witness this beauty for a long time. But wait, something's happening. You are lightly being pulled towards the seabed. You brace yourself ready to get back up but before you can swim upwards, a big wave pushes you down farther. Still not giving up, you try harder. So hard you can feel your muscles getting tired. But you don't give up. The waves keep getting larger and you keep trying harder until you have no strength left and the wave takes you down. To come out of this will need patience, strength, and probably help.
So why don't all people diving into the depths of the ocean, that is this life, get pulled towards the bottom? This question may arise, especially when two people with similar struggles end up with different scenery in life or when a prosperous being ends up leaving the world and someone without so much as a shelter above their head eats their meager meal with a smile on.
Different people, different thresholds: Understanding why it’s different for everyone.
When a person gets bruised easily as opposed to their contemporary during a sport, we do not ask "why are you bruised even when the other person faced the same hurdles?" We accept the physiology of that being and work on the given situation. If someone's body is weak even when they eat proper food or exercise well, we take them to a physician. Try discovering the exact problem. We do not ask that person to "just be strong dude" or state " there's nothing like body weakness, just be strong". Mental strength needs to be treated in the same manner.
Similar hurdles, similar lives do not mean similar minds. Any two people are capable of reacting to a similar situation in two unique ways and it should be acceptable. Thresholds are different for everyone and therefore taking someone's capacity to handle the pain for granted is not obvious.
This does not mean there's nothing you can do.
For yourself:
Nutrition, hygiene and routine:
Understand the basic lessons taught in primary school to be a necessity.
Taking a shower, eating food with balanced nutrition, being hydrated, maintaining hygiene, and looking after your body are of utmost importance. Your physical health will aid your mental health.
Friends and family:
Be in touch with your loved ones, close friends, and anyone that you have a mutual understanding with.
Doing what you like:
Be in touch with your hobbies and anything that makes you go into "the zone".
Spirituality:
If you find solace in praying or other spiritual activities, make time to practise it or find people that relate with you, and be a part of group activities.
Meditate:
Any type of meditation is good enough for you to feel calm and help you not get ahead of yourself. If you are really dedicated, you can attend different meditation workshops and schools around. Being around people on the same spiritual journey as you will give you a feeling of being a part of something bigger and meaningful.
Stability over extremity:
Most importantly, don't run after happiness but seek stability, to not be affected by the ups and downs of life.
For someone else:
Pay attention:
A person who is diagnosed with depression may show visible symptoms, or may not show any signs to laymen at all. Not everyone can take up the job of a psychologist and honestly, you don't have to. But you can use the place of a friend to identify if your friend hasn't acted like themselves in a while.
Loss of excitement, enthusiasm:
If they are a talker and they haven't chit-chatted with you in a while. If they are someone who posts regularly and hasn't in a while.
Loss of appetite:
If they eat a lot and their appetite has suddenly dropped, or they don't and it has increased suddenly.
Less emotional venting:
Look out for changes in their words, their inability to express simple emotions like being upset at something that is bound to make anyone upset. or maybe not laughing during their favourite comedy movie.
Apparent laziness:
Unwillingness to eat, take a bath, drink water, meet a friend they met often before, avoiding family, anything that's just not them.
Insist:
Take them along if you're meeting new friends, going for a walk, having food outside, watching a movie. If they insist on staying in, let them know you really want them to come and if they still insist, be in touch as you go out. A text like "did you eat" or "what are you doing/ what's up".
Conclusion:
Depression is hard to diagnose. It is possible, as in many cases, to go undiagnosed and the person getting better without formal care and support.
However, it is always advised to not ignore the given symptoms and seek proper help. Your loved ones in need might have a feeling of being a burden on you or other family members, assure them they are not. They will not ask you to attend to them but they need your support.
By taking care of yourself and those around you, you promise yourself a more satisfying and peaceful future.